4 Things Smart Parents Do During a Divorce

Despite what we see on TV and in the movies, divorces don’t have to be an all-out war. Many couples find ways to settle their disagreements amicably. Many couples recognize how their behavior impacts their children. Many couples find ways to get through a divorce without tearing apart their children.

There are four main things smart parents do during a divorce.

1. Smart parents recognize and deal with the emotional impact divorce has on children. They educate themselves on children’s needs by attending classes, reading, and speaking with professionals. They learn ways to speak with their children about spending time with both parents, living in separate households, and legal issues. Smart parents also encourage their children to educate themselves and speak with professionals about their feelings and confusion.

2. Smart parents commit to putting their children’s needs first. Smart parents decide to drop the win-lose mentality and their selfish needs when they are in disagreement; rather, they focus on determining the best decision for the children. Smart parents agree not to argue or fight in the children’s presence. They do not bad-mouth the other parent. Right from the beginning, they agree upon a method for communicating and decision-making.

3. Smart parents encourage and assist in creating a loving, strong relationship between the children and the other parent. They encourage additional time together on top of the visitation schedule. They communicate about activities, happenings, and other special events. Smart parents even make sure they invite the other parent to participate in and attend the children’s activities.

4. Smart parents find alternative methods to settle their disputes. They use the services of a family therapist to understand the other parent’s point of view and break through the disagreements. Within the court setting, they take advantage of informal settlement conferences, case management conferences, and mediation. Smart parents know effective use of these options reduces the anger and hostility, lowers the expenses, and leads to better decisions for the children.

4.5 Smart parents persevere and don’t get frustrated … even when the other parent is being unreasonable and a complete jerk!

     Posted on May 15, 2009 at 3:35 pm | No comment

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