If Divorce is the Answer, What's the Question?


I often wonder if people know why they’re getting divorced. When my clients come into my office, a lot of times they talk about no longer being in love, cheating on each other, spending too much money, and one of them drinking or doing drugs again.

Aren’t these just symptoms?

After further discussion, I usually find that they never communicate, at least one of them won’t go to counseling, and they never discussed their goals and dreams at the beginning of the marriage. Perhaps these things can be fixed if they’re willing to put the necessary time and effort into dealing with them.

By the time they’re in my office, the symptoms are overwhelming and the underlying reasons are complex. Divorce probably seems like the easiest, maybe even the only, solution. I wonder if that’s truly the answer, however.

I encourage people who are considering divorce to consider the possibility of the underlying reasons for their divorce. If they are convinced that divorce is the answer, I then encourage them to dedicate themselves to working cooperatively through the divorce process. Most of the decisions divorcing couples make affect their future, and the focus needs to be on resolution that improves their future; otherwise, why divorce?