Collaborative Divorces Stop Family Destruction


How does the Collaborative process help stop a divorce from destroying a family?

That was part of the panel discussion at the 2008 Annual Forum of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals. The panel was comprised of three couples who divorced using the Collaborative process.

One former husband explained that his Collaborative attorney said, “You may think you want more money or more property, but you main goal should be making sure your spouse and your children are healthy and happy five years down the road. If they’re not, then you’re lost.”

The former husband explained that discussion with his attorney was powerful. “It helped us to keep our child front and center.”

His former wife added, “If we can model a healthy divorce and a healthy post-divorce family, we’re doing our daughter a great service.”

For them, the Collaborative process allowed them to recognize and acknowledge their frustration and anger while mutually resolving the legal issues. All of the panelists described it as a protected and secure environment.

One panelist explained, “Even though we had hurt feelings, we were keeping our goals in sight, and we would keep the negative emotions from going to the next level.”

The ability to reduce conflict and acrimony positively affects minor children. “Our daughter is more relaxed and comfortable than she was before. She thinks our new family is normal.”

Some panelists pointed out it was a positive experience for their adult children as well. They used their adult children as a guidepost because they knew their children’s opinions of how they handled the divorce would impact their future relationships with those children. “Our adult child is happy that we’re doing something positive for our family.”


Success Stories


“I spent all day yesterday with my ex-husband and his new girlfriend…And we had a wonderful time.”

Those are words you probably thought you would never hear after a divorce. However, they were really stated by a woman who was successfully divorced using the Collaborative process.

This lady and her ex-husband participated in a panel discussion at the 2008 Annual Forum of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals. There were three couples who participated, and they all successfully used the Collaborative process.

One former husband said, “So many people think divorce has to be angry and bitter.”

Another former husband added, “They look at it as the final nail in the coffin.”

One former wife said, “The outcome we’ve had shocks a lot of people. You have to not listen to them and do what’s right for you.”

Another former wife concluded, “I wish there were more people who knew about Collaborative Divorces. All of my friends went through divorces so filled with anger. Their’s is a tragic story.”